the following will bore you.

so if you're having second thoughts of reading, you better not.

(:


i hate this point of time in my relationship when things get cranky. everything the other party does, doesnt seem right. and everything i do, somehow, is not right too. i hate arguments in the nights. i hate those hurtful words which comes out of each other's mouth. i hate it when one starts shouting. i hate it when tears come crashing me. and all you know when you feel youve had too much of everything is to tell me, that youve had your share and you just want things to end. i fucking hate it. just like any other things on the surface of this earth, this relationship cannot be perfect. no matter how hard we try to go up, some things will definitely pull us down. we'll have obstacles along the way, but with strength and patience, things would be okay.

as for me, i've failed a three year relationship. ive failed a seven months relationship. and so much ive learned from them. and i took a whole one year and three months to actually think back and look back at all the mistakes ive done. now that ive found firdauz, i try hard not to repeat my mistakes. i do my best in all things, and hold this relationsip. ive cooled down, ive learned to set my egos. ive learned when to step in, when not to. its as easy to say you fancy someone, say you love them. because saying it and meaning it is a whole different story. to many, it may seem like im too easy, a wild girl you can easily be friends with on the streets. yes, it may SEEM like that to them all. because all their best at is telling tales and pointing fingers. but i wont let it affect me. in a relationship, i play my part. ive had my share, ive taken those rides. but nothing, nothing at all, have benefited me or even have credit for what i have now- Firdauz.

for all that has happened between me and Firdauz, since the day we dated, till now, i have to admit, i have not that much trust in him. really. and im not afraid to admit that. because i believe trust takes time and a whole lot of effort. i have that so little trust in him, so little, that we fight every single night. its not that easy, its not by the snap of a finger or a blink of an eye. a pure relationship takes time, plentiful of patience.

dont say you love him till you love yourself. and to love yourself takes a little bit of sacrifice, simmer down, believe in yourself. think of whats right and whats wrong. till then, stick to one. everyone's gotta learn to take a breather. thats life, one's gotta learn, and never give up.

(: